


Sherlock Stoned and the Missing Joint

by KPesh123



Category: Original Work, Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bad Writing, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, College, Comedy, Comedy of Errors, Drugs, Established Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Friendship, Good Writing, Late Night Writing, Marijuana, Mystery, Mystery Stories, Other, POV Sherlock Holmes, References to Drugs, Smoking, Underage Smoking, Writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:35:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25956091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KPesh123/pseuds/KPesh123
Summary: Mark had come home from various adventures with the boys.  With a girl coming over in one hour, Mark decided to smoke a joint prior, only to find out it was missing from his rolling tray.  After tearing his room apart, Mark had no other option but to call in the best when it comes to weed mysteries, Sherlock Stoned.





	Sherlock Stoned and the Missing Joint

**Author's Note:**

> This is something new I tried. A writing piece based off the boys from Kyle's Boomin' Adventures, but it is not apart of that series. A little look into the lives of the boys in between stories.

Sherlock Stoned and the Missing Joint

Mark had returned from another boomin adventure with the boys. After months of chaotic shitstorms whether it be running a country or robbing weed dispensaries, Mark liked to do what he did best, spark up. Mark gathered all the essentials needed to roll the perfect joint. He had his rolling paper and weed ready to go. With The Dirty Heads playing in the background, Mark was vibing out rolling his joint. While Mark was doing this, there was a knock at the door. Annoyed that someone was disturbing his chill vibes, he went to the front door. No surprise to him, Malcolm was at the door in a mad panic.

“Jesus Malcolm, what is it now?” Mark asked annoyed. 

“Dude you gotta help me! I’m getting kicked out again! My dad just found all of my porn links on his computer! I mean everything, the videos of me jerking off, the messages to different financial dominatrix brats, and the chicks with dicks tabs! My god there were so many fat chicks with dicks!!!” Malcolm yelled.

“You did this all on your dad’s computer?” 

“Yea, I already had my laptop taken away because I gave all of his money to my financial dominatrix.” 

“Malcolm you’re a fucking idiot. I’m done helping you. You have to figure this out for yourself, I have a girl coming over later and I don’t need a retarded spazz such as yourself raging about your porn addiction. Good day.”

“But…”

“I said good day!” Mark slammed the door on Malcolm and walked back up to his room to smoke the joint he just made. 

Mark resumed the music and danced like a douchebag for a few seconds. Feeling hyped that he was having a girl over for the first time since his ex-girlfriend tried to kill herself and was sent to an institution in Chicago, Mark reached for his joint he left on the rolling tray. Mark was shocked when he did not feel it on the tray. Mark quickly looked under the couch and the table to see if it had fallen in either place. Mark became nervous that he might’ve lost his perfectly rolled joint. 

“FUCK!!!” Mark screamed at the top of his lungs.

Mark then tore his entire room apart looking for the joint he had just rolled. The sheets on his bed, the cushions on the couch, the clothes in his closet, all of it came down in the great search for the joint. Mark felt hopeless and angry when he realized his joint was not meant to be. While sitting in his destroyed room daydreaming about smoking that joint, a billion dollar idea came into his head. What does one do if they lose their weed? They call in the professional, Sherlock Stoned. 

Sherlock Stoned was the greatest at solving mysteries when it came to weed. If anyone could find a missing joint, it was him. Sherlock grew up in an upper class neighborhood and was raised to be an overachiever. He had straight A’s in school and got a perfect score on the SAT. With a bright future ahead of him, Sherlock went to Rutgers University and majored in criminal justice. It was there Sherlock gained his powers to solve mysteries. It was also there he tried weed for the first time and immediately fell in love with it. Sherlock transformed into a huge stoner, instead of writing papers, he was rolling them. With a knack for solving weed mysteries, he dropped out of college and started his own business. Sherlock was making much more money finding people’s weed than he would ever working as a homicide detective. Mark found Sherlock’s advertisement pinned on the public bulletin board at his job in Acme. With no other hope Mark gave a call. 

An hour went by and Mark got a knock on the door. When Mark opened the door, he found a man who had outstoned even him. Sherlock’s eyes were redder than a teenage girl's pussy during her period. Sherlock had a black flat cap with a green pot leaf on it. In his mouth was a pipe filled with weed. Sherlock wore a green and yellow baja hoodie, ripped jeans, and flip flops. Sherlocks Jeep was in the driveway, it had the top down and bands such as Sublime and Slightly Stoopid were blasting from the stereo. He reeked of weed as well, which was too much for even Mark to handle. Mark invited him in anyways. 

“So what’s the problem?” Sherlock asked. 

“You see this tray? There was a joint on it, and now it’s gone.” Mark replied.

“Holy fuck that’s a tradgedy.” 

“I know.” 

“What did you do today?”

“Earlier today my dumbass friend came over. He jacked off to so much porn on his dad's computer he got kicked out. He tried to crash here but I got a girl coming over later. I rolled the joint, he knocked on my door, when I told him to fuck off I came back upstairs. When I came back, the joint was gone.” 

“Classic case, okay any other people acting suspicious of late?” 

“My friend Tom ran out of weed, he’s been trying to smoke my shit.” 

“I’m going to need a list of people you find suspicious. For your troubles, here’s a complementary brownie.” 

“Oh bet!” 

Mark made a list of all the friends who he found suspicious. Malcolm, Jay, Gianni, Tom, and even Kyle made the list. Sherlock had a long day of mysteries to solve. With each of the boys' information, Sherlock cruised to the first house.

First on the list was Gianni. Gianni was running low with weed and called Mark a few days prior to hang out and get stoned. With a shortage, Gianni could’ve easily snuck into Mark's room and stolen the joint. With his all star track skills from high school, Gianni could’ve easily ran away. Sherlock knocked on Gianni’s door. Gianni opened the door in nothing but his underwear holding an anime bodysuite pillow. 

“Yea?” Gianni asked, annoyed that someone would pause his intimate time.

“Hi I’m Sherlock Stoned, have you been near Mark as of late?” Sherlock asked.

“No that bastard wouldn’t give me his weed. I honestly don’t care anymore, my bodysuite pillow just came in the mail, here check the delivery information.” Gianni told Sherlock, handing him the receipt.

“Okay you seem innocent, have a good day.” 

Sherlock went down the block to Jay’s house. Jay was on the list because he was thinking about hooking up with the same girl Mark was getting with. Being an open dumpster, she got around. Mark believed that if Jay stole his weed, he’d lure the girl for a nice smoke session naked. Sherlock went over to Jay’s house and knocked on the door. Jay opened the door and reeked of weed. 

“Hey are you Jay?” Sherlock asked. 

“Yea what’s good my cracker?” Jay responded. 

“Have you been in contact with Mark lately?”

“Yea I have, I was telling him not to worry about his girl. This one bitch at Acme has been simping lately and I finally let her fuck me. She’s also my plug so now I got hella weed my G!” 

“Okay that checks off. I was investigating to see if you stole his weed.”

“Oh really! It’s because I’m black isn’t it! How about you get the fuck off my property before I blow your fucking brains out!” Jay yelled, pulling out a handgun pointed at Sherlock's head.

“Oh fuck! Jesus calm down I’m leaving!” Sherlock shouted. 

Sherlock then drove to Kyle’s house. Kyle was an interesting case. Kyle didn’t smoke, he only drank. Kyle would binge drink every weekend to the point of complete inebriation. The reason why Kyle was being questioned was due to one incident a few months back at one of the parties. Kyle was with Mark and Jay standing around Malcolms fire pit. Mark and Jay were passing each other a joint taking hits off of it. Kyle had been surrounded by it for years now hanging out with the boys but never took part. Being a few vodka seven ups deep, Kyle pondered taking a few hits. Kyle even snapped this bitch he knew from school to get a third party opinion. Having seen the Boof Brigade almost die each time they smoked, he ended up not taking the hit. Nevertheless he was best friends with Malcolm. Malcolm could’ve distracted Mark while Kyle broke into the room and stole the joint. Sherlock knocked on Kyle’s door. Kyle answered the door wearing a Full Send t-shirt, Ray Bans covering his eyes, and a Corona in his hand. Kyle’s friends Rich and Chris were playing beer dye in his backyard.

“The fuck you want retard? Can’t you see I have people who matter over?” Kyle asked angrily.

“Damn that’s harsh. I just need a moment of your time.” 

“Hold up.” Kyle said. He proceeded to chug the rest of his beer and slam it on the ground. “The fuck is up?” 

“Have you been in contact with Mark recently?” 

“Yea, what fucking gives?” 

“He’s accusing you of stealing his weed.” 

“I don’t smoke douche.” 

“Okay have a good day.”

“Fuck you.” 

After the hostile altercation with Kyle, Sherlock drove one block over to Malcolm’s house. Malcolm was supposed to be kicked out but Sherlock gave it a try anyway. Malcolm was a prime suspect because he was at Mark’s place when the joint disappeared. Sherlock knocked on Malcolm’s door. Malcolm answered in a Slayer t-shirt and his underwear. 

“WHAT?! What’s so goddamn important that you had to inturrupt my fucking masterbation session?!” Malcolm asked angrily.

“Jesus calm the fuck down. Have you been in contact with Mark as of recent? Also shouldn’t you be kicked out of your house?” Sherlock asked.

“Uh no, no I wasn’t not at all. I’m fine here just fine.” Malcolm stuttered.

“Why so quiet and nervous all of a sudden Malcolm? You were so bombastic and angry just two seconds ago. Once I mention Mark’s name you change. What gives?” 

“Uh no it’s nothing uh nope uh yea.” Malcolm stuttered scratching the back of his head.

“Tell me Malcolm, have you seen Tom as of late?” 

“Tom? Yea, I mean, no, I-I’ve never heard such a name before do tell me why you bring him up.” 

“Enjoy your fat midget porn Malcolm” 

Sherlock felt like he had a lead. Sherlock believed that Malcolm made up the story of his dad finding the porn and kicking him out to distract Mark while Tom broke into the room and stole the joint. Since Tom was so small he could easily climb through the window, take the joint, then leave as if nothing was amiss. Tom was at the top of the list also making him a prime suspect. Sherlock paid Tom a visit and knocked on his door. Tom answered, stoned off his ass.

“Uh, yea?” Tom asked.

“Hi I’m Sherlock Stoned, did you take Mark's joint?” Sherlock asked.

“Ahahah yea I did ahaha.” Tom laughed. 

“You know he was looking forward to that joint right?”

“Man fuck that retard, he wouldn’t volunteerily give me his weed so I had to take it no cap.” 

“You owe him twenty bucks for the weed and paper you stole.”

“Bro what the fuck do you mean bro!” 

“Ight you gonna play hardball? Okay I’ll leave you alone, enjoy the rest of your day.” 

Sherlock left Tom’s place and went back to Mark’s. Sherlock informed Mark on the recent discoveries from his latest case. Mark was fuming mad and was now seeking vengeance for the joint he had just lost. Mark got into his car leaving Sherlock behind. Going eighty miles per hour down Route 35, he reached Tom’s house in five minutes. Mark kicked down the door and started punching Tom repeatedly. Once Mark felt that Tom got what he deserved, he jumped back into his car and sped for Malcolm’s house. Tom must have warned Malcolm of Mark’s rampage because when Mark arrived at the house, Malcolm was stuck in the window trying to get out. His upper body was halfway outside while his lower body was still inside. Mark kicked down the door, found a paddle, and started spanking Malcolm as hard as an active fraternity brother hazing a pledge. Malcolm was squealing and crying just like the time he got raped by a Vietnamese man-boy prostitute when they went back in time to Vietnam. The squealing was also reminiscent of the time Gretch raped Malcolm twice during the apocalypse. Once Malcolm was at a state of complete submission, Mark left and went back to his house. Mark sat down in his room angry that his joint had been stolen from him. In one hour a girl was supposed to come over and Mark would not be high for the occasion. Looking down at his table Mark realized something, he had more weed and rolling papers to make another joint! Mark had hired Sherlock and put him on a wild case for nothing. Sherlock was pissed. 

“How the fuck can you be so retarded to not check and see if you had other weed?!” Sherlock yelled.

“Honestly, I fucked up, my bad.” Mark replied.

“Oh your bad? I had a fucking gun pulled on me today!”

“How about I let the girl coming over suck your cock and I give you $100 for your troubles.” 

“Deal.”

That is exactly what happened. Mark rolled another joint and got high before the girl came over. The girl sucked both Sherlock’s and Mark’s cocks. Mark gave Sherlock $100 and he was on his merry way. This case was one for the books, Sherlock left Mark’s house in search of new weed mystery cases to solve. 

  
  



End file.
